“Have you had many women?”
Oi vey, I don’t think this conversation usually goes as well as it did for Baby & Johnny. The old magic number question. Are people really having the conversation about magic numbers? It’s been a while for me- I think the last time it came up was when I was in a long-term relationship and even then, the truth didn’t come out for over a year. Not because we lied, but because we managed to evade the question- we had the sense to know that it had the potential to cause great harm. I don’t even really sit around with my girlfriends and share the quantitative data- any of it. Does it matter? It would be very unusual for me to ask a man this question.
I didn’t find much useful information when I consulted Googs on this one either. Mostly just people sharing their opinions on what number indicates sluttiness. Total kidshit-bullshit. I did like this video from Carlin & Betty- they are doing great work in the sexual revolution! Viva L’Orgasm!
We don’t talk about it because people are still shaming and judging each others sex behavior. We shame each other for who we choose to have sex with, the kind of sex we like to have, how often we like to do it, how/if we talk about it, the kinds of relationships we do or do not have with the people we are having sex with, and on and on. I say sex is free and it’s fun so have as much safe sex as you want to! There is nothing revolutionary about this view point- and just because this is what I believe, this does not mean I am out bangin around or that I am incapable of having a happy, monogamous experience. Just to prove a point: you don’t know if I have had sex or not since this project started but I bet you assume I have! Well, let me tell you: only if laying around my hotel room and rubbing one out between episodes of Breaking Bad counts, darlings!
I just wish we could replace our judgmental criticism with accepting curiosity.
… bet you thought I was gonna reveal my magic number, didn’t you? Tell you what: I’ll show you mine if you show me yours 😉
This is on my mind today because I have been thinking about the early dating taboo topics- you know, the stuff you’re “not supposed to talk about” when you first start dating someone. As you might imagine, this is a short list for me- meaning, you can talk about whatever you want to- the deeper the better, as far as I am concerned. I have learned to keep certain cards close to my chest- even if that seems hypocritical. Contradiction makes me cute.
So I am still trying to figure out whyyyyy I had such a strong, visceral repulsion yesterday when the architect told me he was feeling heart-achy and disturbed because of something he had seen on Facespace regarding his ex. Actually it wasn’t just that, it was the whole conversation- asking me if I was into beefy Italian men (presumably because that’s who the ex is with now), inviting himself to come along with me to an art show, the sort of whiny-neediness of the conversation. 4 dates, maybe 5 dates in? Upon reflection, I think I was on the fence about him and this conversation led me to fall on one side. To be clear, it’s not because I can’t relate or because I feel jealous or anything like that- I found his behavior generally emotionally unattractive and I’m just not up for being anyone’s bandaid or fix-it woman. The door isn’t slammed shut, but there has been a shift- he may still slide under the door…
I am all for a relationship where we can openly talk about past relationships- with love, without jealousy, without later using this information as a weapon. There is so much to learn about someone based on intimate relationship history. Not magic numbers, love stories. Tell me your love stories. I am listening.
I have had another shift which is that I am seeing the experience of running into The One Who Got Away on the train the other night quite differently. The voices in my head have stopped shouting and the one steady, cold voice that remains is telling me ‘Now you just have further evidence that this man is not into you. Leave him alone, let this go.’ That same voice has similar insights about my number one crush- with a sneering cruelty. I hate this short cycle from elation to self reproach. I prefer to stay neutral. Actually that’s a lie, I’m built to stay high but that isn’t sustainable. For the most part, this past month, I have been able to put these feelings aside and stay on point with this project. REMEMBER THE GOAL WAS NOT TO FIND A BOYFRIEND, IT WAS TO ASK OUT 100 UNATTAINABLE MEN IN 100 DAYS. The rest is just my silly girl shit.
Last but hopefully worth the wait… On that, the silly girl shit- I had a funny (not funny haha, funny jeeesh) moment yesterday when I called The One Who Got Away to invite him to join me for this art show. I was leaving him a voicemail (I know) and got a little distracted by something (shiny object, squirrel) so my message became a little ramble-y. I took for granted that I would be able to ERASE AND RE-RECORD so I just went with the ramble and wouldn’t you know that upon pressing #, still recording. *, still recording. #*#*##* #*#*#** 1111*#**? nope still recording. So, if this poor man listened to my stream-of-consciousness message, he then had the honor of listening to me try to play Ice Ice Baby for him on the number pad.
Wait, no, that was funny haha I just made myself cry trying to recount that story. Snort.
Yo, VIP- let’s kick it xxx
no i do not love you 